Sardines: Part II

11/15/2021 The self as a small fishy, fishy, fishy, fish

Part 4
“Eat Sushi”

I knew a ceremonial magician, who switched sides
a euphemism for died. In one interview, was asked 
“What’s the secret of sex magick?”
He answered, “Eat sushi!” 
Your reaction says more about you than me but then
again I wouldn’t have brought sushi up 
unless I wanted you to react

An autofiction, whole, with nothing missing

I love sushi, you might too, 
just remember love, love
a motion similar to
the difference between 
a can-key 
and a pull-tab 

So naturally,
when challenged with food 
to use as a prop,
I’d say Mcguffin except
nothing is moving along
I chose sardines

I mean anchovies, of course,
I was distracted, “One of you passed gas”
By your giggling, 
Among the fallen winter wear and 
too sharp coat hangars
we can tell where you are in the spectrum
of Innocence to Acceptance to Denial as a
substitute for Innocence’s lightness, 
to the return to laughter
deeper, fuller, in the belly
with a dash of Impermanence 
to ease the digestion


Part 5

The Experiment

Having set about doing, I ordered my pizzas
once again with anchovies,
this time,
we approached
less in some sense
more with other senses
The first ‘The Regular’ loaded with 
 pepperoni, sausage, green peppers, onions
mushrooms, olives, and anchovies -- not great
but ate all -- The harmonious
blend, ruined by the shock of salt,
a certain sliminess

For the next pie, substituted anchovies for the sausage -- better

Pizza/Anchovy experiment #3 -- Dropped all the meats, a
personal direction --
The shock was back -- I rejected and then embraced the delicate bones -- Of note: Local pizza places are not going to use the best anchovies and the cook on the pizza makes a difference -- Next time cheese and anchovies only

Cheese and Anchovy -- ???

2. I ordered anchovies from several different countries all in olive oil -- Like Oysters, can we taste the terroir? The cleanliness of the waters -- the methods of catching -- the diet of the Fishers -- the nature of the bottoms on which they fed -- and the particular tensions of the leeward coast?

3. Terroir is hashed by the salt

4. One by itself, a brown question mark covered in a light green oil
sitting on a white plate,
invites playfulness
a. Slow chew
b. A blossoming embrace
c. Inside us lives someone who likes anchovies
d. The saltiness of playing in
the shallows
e. Is this mindfulness?
f. Can anyone do this?
g. Embrace your revulsion

5. Anchovies on dark rye with local cultured  butter
 thinly sliced red onions, and a smattering
of capers and cornichons
Why would I eat them any other way?
Each bite a becoming, a memory
Some from the past many from the future

6. A recipe from the future-past: 
Eggplant, Garlic, Chocolate, canned Roasted Tomatoes
Olive oil, Mirepoix and
instead of Fish Sauce
a can of Anchovies
from Peru
Cook all-day
Use a slow cooker if necessary,
serve with pasta or

Review: “Did you taste the anchovies?” 
“What eww? No. This is too good to have
malodorous, salty, baitfish as a base. 
Where’s the fishy taste?” “Umami”
Part 7
“Being Cursed with Love”

Being cursed with love
hard to let go, have been told
I’m too clever for my own good

I apologize for the shaggy doggerel
this is me, at least, the Teller
You probably call yours The Narrator
or I, me, mine

We have the soul of an anchovy
slippery, darting in formation,
from place to place
trying to avoid the tiny hooks, baited
to wake us up, pull us, gasping
into the fresh cold air,

And with a single flip,
back we go
Addendum: We spill out laughing with relief. 
Now you’re doers and avoiders, careerists and slackers. 
Defined, you believe
by the experiences after 
although in your mind, well before now
You never think 
of the game,
while adults partied 
downstairs as an intimate encounter 
-- I didn’t --
until unbidden, I tried to remember 
what we called the game  -- 
I meant sardines 
but wrote anchovies 

Well, y’all my self-portrait with easter eggs and small fish.

Much appreciation,

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Con/Jur/d, 11/15/2021

Part I is here:

Gate (Less)
Sunday Sundries
Anchovies Juris d. Ahn Part 1 “Fishy Smell” I mean anchovies I write sardines, I live in fear of becoming my father doesn’t the fear betray you too? I blame cans with keys and misremembered games -- all of us stuffed in a closet, body on body breath on breath, innocent doesn’t mean not erotic, erogenous adults take a gift too far in either di…
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