Remembering why I hated you

5/8/2024 demonstrating how the sausage is made; def better @ web & App

BAFFLED AT 5:42 AM AT THE ORIGIN OF TINY CHAIR AND BOULDER BY THE DOOR AND IN THE PATH

This week — I’ll be sharing excerpts from my autofiction project — STORIES FROM OUR CHEMICAL LIVES — this may be the only place some of this will ever be seen — this is a work in progress and no word, sentence, comma or period is final — (as if, it ever could be)

JECT< JECT< JECT coming through the speakers, we begin with an informal

                                                  Preface

The Agent, having chased The Errant Chemist across a hi jinx laden countryside, finally has him cornered and demands The Beaker and The Catalyst be returned to its rightful place at THE PROJECT and to denounce himself as a druggy, not a true chemist. The Errant Chemist Throws down The Beaker, excretes The Catalyst and says, “Take them, they are only symbols you can’t escape your chemistry.” The Agent tries, but an unknown thumping beat (JECT< JECT< JECT) enters his crown and enters his feet, he begins to breathe short and shallow, he begins to sweat, he develops a disturbing dyskinesia. He shouts, “What trickery is this? You have poisoned me!” “No trickery! I told you it was all chemistry. Now without thinking of legal or illegal, profit or loss, what was your chemistry before you were born?”

The Agent falls to his knees, a look of pure bliss passes through him, and says, “Please sir, may I have some more?”

Introduction: Remembering Why I Hated You
Con/Jur/d, 5/7/2024

The apocrypha: In third grade, after drawing a witch in the attic
his grandfather in the basement with unidentifiable tools
at a bench, maybe a surgical table, and saying 
his favorite color was black, because black
reminded him of The Black Death, the movie not the plague
which he hadn’t seen, but his 2 best friends had, and the game
they invented had it all: ACTION TRAGEDY & COMEDY

(Later the plague and the color black would come 
to be an important part of his life’s stage production, but then
it was a game, like the ones when he was younger, everyone 
                                      ALL-THE_WAY-IN)

Although, he didn’t say that on the form because the kids
who beat him up for reasons like, he spoke Latvian 
better than English, or shyness, 
or because he laughed high and shrill
without appropriate masculine nastiness
THEY didn’t need to know
about his neighborhood friends 
who didn’t go to public school
with weird enough familiar families 
to be interesting

O, and according to his third grade teacher - he couldn’t read
refusing, to read out loud, the extremely boring, supposed adventures
of Dick, Jane and their Dog, Spot, who unlike a real dog, did 
nothing associated
with living; naturally, they wanted to put
him in ‘special education’ with other identified divergents
isolate him from the community, where he would not disrupt the
grammar of American assimilat -

ion, shun, shun

the old protestant gimmick, the flamboyant 

RED

letter  meme
the inside joke, yet, an excellent lesson in weaponizing
language, and culture, used to good effect by 
Reagan and his Hollywood Brethren:

THE WHITE SUGAR (ALL FORMS, EXTRACTIONS & EXTRACTORS 
& FERMENTATIONS) & BONE CHAR SOCIETY LLC

You remember their chant, don’t you? “50 and 50 and 100 and the Empire
never died, BC, AD means the same to me!”

And although his parents weren’t in on the joke, they took him for

EVALUATION

By a child IQ specialist and he was scored over 160

THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR, THE PRINCIPAL and 
THE THIRD GRADE TEACHER 
enter stage left, CONCERNED
exit stage right, UNWILLING TO LOOK BAD
soon, their names would be forgotten
since it was obvious he was bored

He was allowed to go to the library during 
Third-Period-Reading, and his study 
of the third person began to establish
the firmament of his first person

I

For the purposes of this exegesis

WE

is used frequently to remind us of impermanence
as will be argued below, during the first fungible
cluster, to help orient
ourselves to the unsayable, unassailable
when we come across particular:

NODES,  CROSSROADS, JUNCTIONS

a smattering of poetry, will appear

A CLUSTER T
O CLARIFY  TH
E UNSAYABLE

JECT< JECT< JECT

Clarification on the use of the first-person plural, ‘WE’
Con/Jur/d, 4/29/2024


I didn’t write the experience
of spring birds
on the green tiled roof, 
                                    above
green grass 
rampant yellow
dandelions everywhere
the piercing avian chants, whistles
trills, the grammared chorus
predating pretensions of language

exclusions

passing through ideas of me
stories of I, as if

the singular was a functional fiction
subject to misinterpretation, hostile edits
and eventually, without recourse
complete erasure

I couldn’t write the WHOOSH

of understanding, like
                                    we do.


And yet,

JECT< JECT< JECT

When You Becomes  One
5/7/2024, Con/Jur/d

They don’t even try to hide it
                                    proniacs, those who believe
the universe is conspiring to enlighten us, celebrate
Them, the owners of the fabled hand, who say
don’t use the second person you, rather use one
when you mean me
                               since you,  personally should be
erased
reminds us, we don’t really exist
                    we’re just passing through
and this is contributing to our awakening

Paranoids, see the use of, one as in:
    One succeeds by working hard, obeying 

THE RULE BASED ORDER

and gradually contributing to the well-being of everyone
by accumulations of wealth, the survival of one’s progeny
the biological imperative satisfied assures the ascendancy of
the monolithic one over you and the many, assuring the ethical 
and moral superiority of the surviving idealized world, by

HOMOGENEOUS, HETERONORMATIVE, MONOTHEISM

Where all identities are permitted as long as we recognize

THE ONE

who gives permission, and honey, 

IT AIN'T YOU

And the paranoid acknowledges the great wordless, idealess
without beginning or end, MYSTERY at the heart of it all

while, understanding this making of you, one, by the nullification 
of boundaries between us and them, allows them to avoid
blame, culpability and the manipulation of your sympathies
by saying, look we’re all just god/goddess/devil/karma fearing
schmoes trying to do a little something, something in this hard
hard world 
and if my paradise doesn’t 
mesh with your wiring, we can
Re-educate you 

to love your chicken wire boundaries


JECT< JECT< JECT

Where were we?

Back to why we hated the second person
and yes, for the purpose of this our pronouns
are mostly, we, us you, although for clarity
of topographic distinction, the contour lines
define distance away, while ley lines are used
to define degrees of intimacy, like, and I’m sure you’ll
understand this, the ley line which lays around you
when you read, interceding between you and the
ordinary world, while making your mind and 
the author’s one; even if they are dead
or not particularly pleasant living
people, or elder gods, bent on
infesting human minds
with chittering, always
a necessary

CIRCUMFERENCE

just shy of extinction

But that’s not real, is it?
The Necronomicon, The 
Goaetia of Demons, The
Books Bound in Human 
          SKIN

           yes and no

the important bit, in this conversation
both sides happening solely in you, is:

second-person narratives 

BREAK THE TRANCE

unless, you decide to trust us
undo the myth of inside and out
and realize these are only words

whose power lies only here
           and only 
            Working with I
                & I
                & I

THE US WITHIN YOU

UP — WITHOUT A PADDLE

JECT< JECT< JECT

In Conclusion
Con/Jur/d, 5/7/2024

In conclusion
We realized why we hated
you, in the second person
and not in the third, you 
broke the trance we were
quite enjoying, following
the contours of fight or flight
while, in the third we could
pretend we were the  all 
powerful narrator, object
by rejecting the subject, 

JECT< JECT< JECT

If you don’t break trance
how will you survive past

            THE END

Enough for today, much love,

Con/Jur/d, 5/8/2024

__________________

BELOW THE LINE

And if you haven’t seen the Macklemore video Hinds Hall — it made me cry — and I adore it